You are too late. Nothing works anymore. The world has gone wrong. The planet still spins in space but forlornly now, sullen, lopsided; different somehow.
Everything is broken.
Buildings. Streets. Trains. Aeroplanes. Elevators. Bicycles. Radios. Washing machines. Traffic lights. Percolators. Skylines. Exit lights. Frying pans. Pavements. Alarm clocks. Egg timers. Boats. Chandeliers. Lawnmowers. Aquariums. Fax machines. Easter eggs. Personal organisers. Microwaves. Trumpets. Newspapers. Riding schools. Candelabras. Curling tongs. Football boots.
Headphones. Shoe laces. Tin foil. Fountain pens. Picture frames. Step ladders. Garden furniture. Swimming pools. Beach huts. Kettles. Handkerchiefs. Record players.
Jigsaw puzzles. Curling tongs. Waste paper baskets. Oven gloves. Paint brushes. Perfume bottles. Standard lamps. Printing presses. Immersion heaters. Car boot sales. Drum sticks. Room dividers. Stair rods.
Journals. Diaries. Dictionaries. Letters. Cards for all occasions. Notes. Novels. Plays. Scripts. Emails. Submissions.
Hobbies. Habits. Fads. Fashions.
Movements. Waves. Histories. Cultures.
Desires. Ambitions. Ideas.
All the whole world does now is queue. Whole countries united in their queuing. Continents. The whole world. As far as the eye can see. Visible from space.
No one can remember a time before the Queue. Only the Queue. Now. And nothing else. Forever.
But no one cares. All they care about is the Queue. There is nothing else to care about. Only the Queue.
What a way to live your life. Being born. Growing up. Dying. All in the Queue. A life defined by waiting in line. Life after life after life. One after the other. Everyone in the Queue.
Forever. All you will ever know. Nothing more. Only the Queue.
The world is really rubbish now. Really rubbish.
Really, really rubbish.
So what has gone wrong?
Dr Don’t Know is what has gone wrong.
Dr Don’t Know?
The world’s greatest supervillain.
The world’s last supervillain.
Well, he won, didn’t he? His evil plan succeeded. And now the world looks the way he has always wanted it to.
His evil plan?
You had better come with me.