Just when it seemed that the poor Doctor’s worries would engulf him completely, there was a knock at the door. Dr Don’t Know looked up to see the door to his ‘office’ being violently yanked open. After a brief struggle between man and hinge, one of the Doctor’s few remaining scientists stepped inside. The scientist was wearing a white lab coat with a pocket full of pens.
‘I have it here, Dr Don’t Know,’ said the scientist excitedly. ‘I have the picture you requested.’
The scientist handed an envelope to the supervillain and even though the scientist’s ‘laboratory’ – another converted storeroom – was only next-door to Dr Don’t Know’s ‘office’, he had been unable to resist the urge to seal the envelope with a lick and a long piece of sticky tape.
Dr Don’t Know took the envelope and held it in front of him. After a couple of weak attempts to open the envelope with the nail of his little finger, the Doctor stopped. He handed it back to the excited scientist.
‘But don’t you want to see it?’ asked the confused scientist. ‘I thought that this was a Level One Code Red Ultimate Priority?’
The scientist waited for a response. Dr Don’t Know said nothing.
‘This is the child that Falcon Boy was speaking to,’ continued the scientist.
The Doctor remained impassive and, perhaps fearing being let go like so many of his colleagues, the scientist kept talking.
‘Because we already knew the location of Falcon Boy, it was a relatively simple…’
The scientist stopped. ‘If I make it sound too simple,’ he said to himself, ‘then it will sound like anybody could have done it. If anybody could have done it, then why would that anybody have to be me?’ He started again.
‘Because we already knew the location of Falcon Boy, that meant we were able to put in place an extremely sophisticated and wholly-scientific monitoring and tracing procedure made possible, not only through the dedication of your team, but also by utilising a couple of highly complex and strictly classified logarithms, logarithms that are only known on a need to know basis.’
‘That sounds much better,’ thought the scientist. He continued again.
‘To prevent these complex logarithms falling into the wrong hands, they have never been written down but are instead entrusted to the memory of an extremely indispensable member of your organisation, namely myself.’ The scientist placed his hand on his heart, so as to further emphasise his indispensability.
‘I have them here, Doctor. I have them here.’
He will be thrilled if you follow him on Twitter! Falcon Boy @PBoyProductions #afairlyhopelesshero
She couldn’t care less if you follow her on Twitter! Pearly Stockwell @PearlyStockwell
If universal destruction is more like your business then why not follow Dr Don’t Know on Twitter @drdontknow