Falcon Boy: Vol. 1: 60 ‘The Trapped Unicorn’ Part I

Troublebot‘Are you alright?’ Ellis asked. The unicorn looked slightly lost and confused. ‘Do you need some help with that zip?’ The unicorn didn’t answer. It was tugging frantically. Ellis thought there was a very faint whiff of oil in the air. ‘Please let me help,’ said Ellis. ‘I’m very good with zips. My Mum lets me help her with hers all the time.’

The unicorn shook its head and kept tugging.

‘Come on,’ said Ellis. ‘I promise I won’t rip your outfit.’ The unicorn shook its head again. Ellis stretched out her hand to try and help free the zip.

‘Don’t be frightened,’ said Ellis. ‘I’m only trying to help.’

The trapped unicorn flinched and managed to free itself from the cargo net but in doing so, also managed to hurl itself backwards and crash into the conveniently abandoned drum kit. The sound of the crash was horrendous and, in case you hadn’t already guessed, suspiciously metallic in its clang.

CCCCLLLLLAAAAAAANNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!

‘Help!’ shouted Ellis to anyone who would listen. ‘I think I’ve found something important.’

‘Bash you,’ said a metallic voice from inside the unicorn’s head. ‘Bash you into tiny painful pieces.’

The Troublebot – for anyone who still hasn’t worked it out – struggled to its feet and as it did so, Ellis tried to move away, only to find that she was now suddenly, and inconveniently for her but conveniently for me, stuck in the narrow space between two large flight cases. She was trapped and as the metal menace took a clumsy step towards her, Ellis could now really smell the oil.

‘Help!’ she shouted. ‘Somebody help me!’

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2 thoughts

  1. I thought this was really interesting, my only note for critique is about breaking the fourth wall. Fiction relies on suspended reality, every time you invite the reader to guess or work out an answer it pulls them out of that suspension and distracts from the rest of the content which is otherwise pretty fun

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Sam, thanks for your thoughtful feedback. I know exactly what you mean about the fourth wall and breaking it repeatedly, as I do, has divided opinion about the book. Personally, I found it much more fun to write in this way. Also, I originally wrote Falcon Boy for my daughter and she really enjoyed the constant interruptions. Thanks again for taking the time to leave feedback; I really appreciate it!

      Like

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