As I stare into the longness of my loneliness I am comforted by a book I recently found in an abandoned house not far from where I live now.Though the circumstances of his solitude are not the circumstances of my solitude there is something to be found in the following words from Henry David Thoreau’s Walden:
I find it wholesome to be alone the greater part of the time. To be in company, even with the best, is soon wearisome and dissipating. I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers. A man thinking or working is always alone, let him be where he will. (1854)
Good news. I have finally found the house I have been looking for.
Empty. Turn-key condition. No chain. Fully furnished. It even has a verandah overlooking a lake. Best of all the house is very close to the city – one bridge and a brisk jog.
I have had to do some landscaping in the garden. I also put up a new wall for privacy. I haven’t met my neighbors yet but I’m sure I will. I hear some of them at night. Walking around. In the morning they are not there.
‘It is not given to ‘human reality’ to annihilate even provisionally the mass of being which it posits before itself. Man’s relation to being is that he can modify it.’
Jean-Paul Sartre, ‘The Problem of Nothingness’, Being and Nothing, pp. 59-60
‘i put a dollar on “you will die”´
Isgrimur Morgan, Games4Kickz, 7 Days to Die Alpha 9.3 – Let’s Play / Gameplay S01E12 – “How to build an impenetrable Base”, 22 Sep 2014 – accessed 29-4-2015
‘The implied presence of the rest of the world, and its explicit rejection, are as essential in the experience of a photograph as what it explicitly presents. A camera is an opening in a box: that is the best emblem of the fact that a camera holding on an object is holding the rest of the world away.’
Stanley Cavell, The World Viewed: Reflections on the Ontology of Film, Enlarged Edition (Harvard University Press, 1971, 1974, 1979), p. 24
‘dose it sound like the hornets are saying asshole to any one?’
Sydney Rosales quoted on Kage848, 7 Days to Die Alpha 11 Husband & Wife Multiplayer/ Let’s Play (S-9) – Ep. 13 – ‘Unlucky Thirteen, YouTube, accessed 28-4-2015
With the business of the day done and there being no more reasons for me to be walking about, I take to thinking about the world I find myself in. I know with complete certainty that I am alone. I am fine with this and am comforted by the fact that there are thousands of other people exactly like myself who find themselves alone in a world that is the same as mine but utterly different.
As I watch the stars shine bright I know that I am the only person who can see them but I also know that there are many other people who see the exact same stars in their own aloneness.
As you know I have been living in an abandoned cinema for the last while. I liked living here because it was close to a supermarket. The neighborhood was a sleepy one and I could by and large mind my own business. Sadly, however things came to a head last night and now I need to move again.
A large group of out-of-towners arrived just after nightfall and stirred up the locals. They brought cops and dogs with them and spent the night trying to get onto the roof of the cinema. I managed to avoid a direct confrontation with the horde but they did cause a lot of damage to my ‘home’.
I’m philosophical about the whole thing; this is what can happen sometimes when you live somewhere you are not really welcome. I don’t take it personally because I know that if it wasn’t me that my neighbors objected to it would be someone else. I always knew that I would be moving on at some stage and so last night’s incident made my mind up for me.
I have recently moved into a deserted cinema that sits on the edge of town. The place is empty now and the corridors ring with only my footsteps.
Things are fine during the day and I can explore without too much fear. I find a moldy sandwich in a wall safe and two bottles of water in a fridge. I also find some beer behind the counter of the concession stand in the lobby.
At night things are very different and so I sit on the roof looking up at the stars as they shine in their virtual sky. Down in the streets there is lots of life but that life is not my life so I try and stay apart.
I’ve just spent the last two nights on the roof of an abandoned house.
During the day I pick through scattered litter bags.
I collect rocks and sticks and feathers.
I very slowly chop down trees with an axe that keeps needing to be repaired.
I collect murky water in jars and then boil them to drink if I have enough wood.
If I find cat food I eat it straight from the tin.